Rachel's Torment
by Samwelshdragon
Summary: A story about how Rachel feels because of the actions of those in glee and what that eventually leads to. character death and self harm mentioned. Not for those who are faint of heart.


**Author notes: this one was hard to write. Judge it as you will but don't dismiss the message that I am trying to give out, if you see any signs someone is hurting don't ignore those signs please. **

Sometimes she thought just having someone notice would help, that it would drive the thoughts from her head. It would stop the churning in her stomach and get rid of the need to feel that high she would get when she would cut into her skin and for a moment feel a dizzy kind of ecstasy. She'd get a glimpse sometimes, little rays of hope only to have her feelings dashed again. It felt like the worse form of torture to her and it would force her to go home and cry a night and to wish that she could go back to how it was before with them hating her because at least that was constant and did not make her emotions feel like they were running through a washing machine

There were points she wondered if they would even notice she was gone. They did not notice she was pulling away she turned up and sing and then go home and repeat that day after day, she didn't even have any diva fits. One day she missed rehearsal and the others didn't seem to care they just gave away her solo and carried on, yet when they needed someone to save the day they came back and demand she be the one to save them. It was the threat to get rid of her if she didn't stop dating the Jesse that finally broke Rachel. They were willing to destroy her dreams and happiness for something they wanted. There was no proof Jesse had done or would do anything wrong and this could have been her only chance at a boy loving her. They obviously thought she was expendable and it was the first time that Rachel truly believed that 100%.

It didn't take long for her to decide what to do, she would make the cut both physically with leaving the group and the marks on her skin. She started to write.

"_Dear Mr Shue,_

_I wish to thank you for these months in glee, they have taught me a lot about where and who I want to be, but I can't live in the torture any more. Every day I go to glee and find one more piece of myself is missing when I leave the choir room. I am under no illusions about what I'm really like I am abrasive, driven, stubborn and single minded but I thought I had friends that finally care enough to see the real me, passed all that but I was wrong and every day it kills me more and more. I won't be returning to glee and ask you to respect this decision and you ask the others to as well. It has been made clear that New Directions will thrive without me so I am going to give them that chance. You are a good teacher Mr Shue I wish you all the best._

_Rachel Berry"_

Perhaps the most telling thing about the letter and the thing Mr Shue should have picked up on was the lack of a gold star at the end of the letter.

It took only days for the club to beg Rachel to come back, for them to ignore her wishes completely and she returned because really what else could she do? No one again noticed the lack of crazy Berry and no one thought it strange she wore long thick sleeves during the height of summer. They did notice though a week after regional's when a note was read aloud by Mr Shue who was devastated with himself for not picking it up before.

"_New Directions, you have had all that was left of me and you have won. I hope now that you won't find this too selfish but I have to stop and just breathe so I can be free. I just hope that the torment of never having your true friendship will be over and I won't have to carry that burden with me."_

Rachel Berry, the glee club were told had taken her own life with a razor blade to her wrists. She had been found laying in her bath, gold stars floating in the blood stained water, a note beside her addressed to her father's saying she hadn't wanted to make a mess along with a request to deliver the note to Mr Shue for the glee club.

**AUTHORS NOTE: SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ARE ISSUES THAT YOU CANNOT IGNORE!! IF YOU SUSPECT SOMEONE IS HURTING OFFER THEM HELP OR TELL SOMEONE. IF YOU'RE THE ONE HURTING PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE!!! I BEG YOU TO SEEK HELP, NOT ONLY FOR YOURSELF BUT THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. SAM**


End file.
